Tuesday Tips #4 – Frustration, Peace, and Love

I had a headache last night, so no Monday post this week. As I mentioned on Sunday, I leave for my retreat tomorrow, so I will hopefully resume posting next Monday, the 9th.

Monday Musing

Monday morning was a little bit rough. Nobody was quite prepared to go back to school, so some yelling ensued. I told eldest son to help younger son with packing his lunch. Then he forgot and got in the van. When I noticed younger son didn’t have a lunch packed, I was seeing red.

Not sure why that was such a trigger. I yelled at him to help his brother, then I walked toward my room. I didn’t quite make it to my bed before I slapped the wall with an open hand (it hurt a lot!) and then laid down on my bed, crying.

Older daughter came to check on me and was super sweet. She came and hugged me for a few minutes, then she patted my back and told me “it’s okay mama, I know how you feel.” Then younger daughter came in. She was confused by my crying, but I guess thought maybe I was laughing because she laid down next to me and started laughing. Well, I couldn’t keep crying with all that sweet and happy energy.

After that we generally managed to get organized to go and were somehow only a few minutes late. I dropped youngest off at daycare and headed to the gym for my 9am 1-on-1 session with favorite trainer. We did end up doing some boxing. It got my heart rate up enough that by the third round, I was super shaky and had to lay down on my back for a few minutes to calm down. Trainer was very pleased with herself.

I then had a busy day at work, developed a headache and pretty much chilled the rest of the evening. My nanny did help the kids with their afternoon routine so we would be better prepared for the morning. I also had to break the news to her that July would probably be her last month that I could pay her full time. It was a difficult decision, but I think it is what I will need to do.

Tuesday Tip #1 – Go to Daily Mass.

We did have a better morning, but I was still pretty generally anxious about various things; the kids, my budget, how I haven’t packed yet for my trip. The past week had been pretty long. I’m not going to get a lot of sleep this week.

I got all the kids to school and headed to church for Daily Mass as I like to do on Tuesday mornings. Even as I sat down, I could feel another headache coming on. I remember rubbing my forehead with my hands right before Father Jack processed in.

At some point though, along around the gospel or during Father Jack’s homily, something amazing happened.

All of the growing pain in my forehead just, melted away.

All of the anxious, worried, and obsessive thoughts just, dissolved.

I felt complete and total peace.

I have never felt anything like it and words just don’t do justice to how I felt, and still do feel.

I felt my God’s presence in a very real way.

Tuesday Tip #2 – Surround yourself with good people who truly care for you.

This afternoon I had a 1-on-1 session with my personal trainer right before my therapy session. I am so very grateful for both of these women, for their guidance and care.

The gym has a rock climbing wall. I remember in middle school that we learned the basics of rappelling, but I have never done anything like that since. Until today.

Today favorite trainer decided we would, indeed, work on rock climbing. It was, as I’m sure you can imagine, quite difficult. I seemingly don’t yet have a lot of finger strength for holding onto those knobby things, nor do I have enough leg strength to propel myself very far. So I’ve got some work to do. It was fun though in a very challenging way. I look forward to doing it again.

We then did a bit of strength training. Well, to clarify, I got to do some strength training on the machines while she told me about her new puppy, lol. At the end of our session, she gave me something. Something small, but extremely heartfelt.

Receiving gifts has never been one of my primary love languages, never really done much for me. This past year though, this is the latest in a string of meaningful gifts from ladies I am blessed to call my friends. These tokens have touched me very deeply, and, as intended, I have deeply felt loved because of them.

My therapy session this afternoon was relaxed but fruitful. My calm and less than anxious mind was open to exploring some new ideas, so much so that my therapist proposed that perhaps we could move to every other week. I was a bit hesitant to commit to this for this month, with anniversary of Kraston’s death coming up on the 20th, but it was something that I had been thinking about as well. I suggested that starting in May, I would reduce to every other week.

I am in awe about how much I have changed since last fall. I often feel like a very different person.

Final Note

Today has been a really amazing blessed day.

I have stayed up too late though. And still not packed yet. But I’m just not worried about it. I have my list and know what I need, and tomorrow morning, it will come together.

If you have a few minutes throughout this week/weekend, pray for all 42 of our lovely retreatants, that they are open to feeling God’s love for them during the time we have prepared for them.

Until Monday.